Ps. No, Ghosting Is Not Okay.
Neo hitting "the matrix" is undoubtedly one of the most recognized visual references of all time.
Never did I think emotionally "falling back" or ghosting would become a phenomenon of the same caliber.
Ghosting can generally be described as a halt in communication or interaction, between two people in relationship (whether that’s in the beginning stages of dating, a full-blown romantic pairing, or a platonic friendship), and normally occurs when one party has realized they do not agree with the actions, words, or behaviors of the other party. In theory, falling back could be a productive action for your well being; but the fault in this theory is its root in passivity and non-permanence.
Passivity.
So let’s chat. Say you’ve fallen back, right? If there’s a chance you still allow this person to influence your mood and emotions; and if that influence isn’t positive, then it’s not healthy.
Addressing that you care is the first step to freedom. Admitting this to yourself is often the hardest part. It's okay to be hurt, upset, and in your feelings, but you must decide what your next plan of action is going to be.
To fall back without communication because you're upset, hurt, or even simply ready to move on is not only inconsiderate to the other party but what about your own mental health? If you don't deal with the root of hurt, anger, or sadness now, you will deal with it later.
Non-permanent.
There is a difference between falling back and using your words to address a problem and ending a relationship or friendship. The latter requires communication, which allows for the start of whatever form of closure both parties may feel they need. Which, to me, is an act of true strength and consideration.
Temporarily falling back welcomes communication whenever one party feels strong enough to reach out to the other. This pick up in communication sets the precedent that communication and in some cases, whatever other activities that were previously fallen back from, are acceptable. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail and similarly, if you fail to communicate, you plan to fall for anything. Everyone copes differently. But for most, bobbling back and forth out of the life of another person can cause pain if the problem was never solved in the first place.
Since Feeling Is First.
I’m not saying every situation needs an extended car ride to the tune of Drake. Or that every crush warrants an ice cream buffet. But "since feeling is first"*; feel. Don't get caught up in how you think you're supposed to feel, just feel. It’s easy to ignore your emotions and actions and barricade yourself with apathy. Which is the easy way out. Feel. Sort your emotions out. Forgive. And then move on with a purpose.
"For life's not a paragraph"* -- it is not constrained to perfect syntax, grammar, and punctuation; so it certainly won't always go as planned. "And death, I think is no parenthesis"*--you have one precious and wild life to live. So enjoy it.
Easier said than done, but the healing that is about to come is worth it.
*quotes from "since feeling is first" by the great e.e. cummings